i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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