My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
