I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he just fucked me for my cheese..
A bitchslap is in order.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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