i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize