I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My ATM looks so different sober.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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