So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
