I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
