Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
