i don't like sucking hair
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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