She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
