Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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