Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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