How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
