so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
