We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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