He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
