ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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