Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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