Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
