My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
