And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
