Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.