you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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