I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
