All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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