someone threw a dead crab at me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
