Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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