apparently the secret to your success is patron
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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