tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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