i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
