you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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