I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
