when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
