That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
