Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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