Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
