my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
