He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Found your dick twin last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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