There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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