but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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