We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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