you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Houston, we have a squirter
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
