Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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