The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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