we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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