soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
