I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
