he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm passing your future prison.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
