If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
