It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
