the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
