Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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