Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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