Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
