I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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