id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
