Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
