Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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