I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
