Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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