We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
