glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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