i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
