So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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