I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
