is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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