The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize