i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He told me they were just razor bumps!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
