Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
