rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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